Compliments of the Coach

Have you ever described a woman as having "a nice personality"? That should be a good thing, right? It is a compliment, after all, and a nice personality is something most men definitely look for in a woman. But it is a phrase often perceived as backhanded, more telling with what it doesn't say than what it does...

Everyone likes to be complimented. No matter how self-assured and confident you are, there is always room to be lifted a little more by a well-timed pat on the back or unexpected words of praise. Of course, too much reliance on other peoples compliments is never a good thing, and constantly looking for validation from your peers, your parents, or your boss (or your coach!) will only weaken you in the long run. But when you are attempting something that you have never tried before and you are unsure about, the smallest gestures can make all the difference.

A week into training, and I start to worry that none of the coaches are addressing me directly. I know we are a big group, and we are not there for one-on-one tuition, but I keep noticing others being singled out for comments with none coming my way. These comments are not strictly speaking "praise", I hasten to add, but corrections and advice, putting the individuals on the right track - all of which leads me to believe I must fall into one of two categories: 1) I am so super-awesome and perfect at everything asked of us that the coaches do not need to offer me advice; 2) I am so hopelessly appalling at everything asked of us that the coaches have all assumed I will drop out soon and can't be bothered to waste time imparting their valuable wisdom to me. At the time, I was leaning towards category 2...

It's surprising how much can be achieved from the smallest of compliments. On the first day we put on gloves we trained by punching into the gloved palm of a teammate. As I may have mentioned before, I have no experience of punching things, and wasn't very confident, but after a few weak jabs I landed a decent one dead on with a satisfying thump. "Good!", murmured my partner under his breath. Just that one simple word from someone I barely know and I was re-energised... there's hope for me yet!

Despite feeling like a bit of a nobody in those early sessions I had already hit a point where I was comfortable just turning up and getting the benefit of the training - I was enjoying myself, and it didn't really matter if anyone else took any notice of me. Then out of the blue one day the Coach turned to me at the end of the session and said "I just wanted to say, I really admire your attitude". It's not like I was in a place where I particularly "needed" that kind of comment, but I was stoked nonetheless and walked home feeling like there was a spring in my step (that might have been a limp, to be fair... I hate burpees!). And all the way back, instead of my thoughts being occupied as usual with what variation of chicken and vegetables I would be preparing for the next days meals, I was instead running through the various bits of advice Coach had been dishing out to everyone - as a group and as individuals - trying to commit it all to memory in order to make use of it in the next session.

It was only much later that night that I thought about the exact words that Coach said to me again... or more accurately, those he did not say. But by that point it really didn't matter to me that the phrase "I admire your attitude" is not so unlike "you have a nice personality"...